GorgedNightmares

things have completely changed since i've last written, i moved home, and got married and now i'm pregnant, will update more with a later journal update.

This month has been nothing but an amazing experience. I'm currently in Texas, with the one that I love dearly. I sit here as I type this with a smile on my face. There's nothing or no one that I love more dearly in this world, than him. I told myself that I would never fly in a million years, but I proved myself wrong. Love does things to people, it changes them. This is one way that I know that I love him more than anything. I set aside my fears to be with him, I set aside my family and my home for him. I came here to start a new life with him, to live with him, to find a job to support not only myself but him as well. I never thought I would be so content being someplace other than my normal dwelling, than I currently am. I have made new friends, and I've completely come out of my shell. I use to hide behind things, but now I see no point in doing so. I've made so many risks that staying on the back burner wont work for me anymore. I can honestly say that my world is different now. I cant depend on anyone but myself, I no longer have my mom there to hold my hand and explain things to me. It's my turn now, to take a hold of the wheel and drive myself places.

I enjoy every second of every single day. I love spending time with him, I love being near him. I love everything about him. It feels absolutely amazing being wanted, or needed. Either for the matter, I love tending to his every need. Feeling needed is the best feeling in the world, besides knowing that someone loves you. But with a relationship comes tough obstacles, that put your feelings to the test, but I am willing to work through anything and everything. Keep my head up high and hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I hope he knows how much that I love him.

[51608]

I love you, baby.

More than anything and anyone in this world.

My heart aches, it feels like nothing is left. My mom is kicking me out of my place and I have no where to go. Nobody, nothing. I want to be with him but it feels like he's slowly pushing away and wants nothing to do with me anymore. I'm holding onto a little ounce of hope that this will last and we'll be together, always. I am willing to throw my life away and start a new one in Texas. He's my life, my everything and more. He's the reason I breathe and get through my days. He opens my eyes to show me that I can have so much more. He shows me that my life is worth living, and that I can do the things that I want to do as long as he keeps loving me. I love him and I want him to better his life. I want him to get through school, and keep his job. I want him to earn enough to save money for an apartment or even a car. I have been putting so much effort in finding a job just so that I can be there and help us support.. well.. us. I am so desperate to be there. I will do anything, and everything that I can to be there. If I have to fall on my knees and beg, I will do it. I will do anything that he asks of me to be there. I miss his smile, I miss his hugs, I miss his touch, I miss knowing that there is someone there that actually cares about me, and wants me to better myself. My mom doesn't care, neither does the rest of my family. They never cared about my education, what I'm doing with myself. It took six days to even bother going to the emergency room because of my toe, She never supported me in school. She's only concerned with my brothers, when I was having trouble with math in highschool, she never got me a tutor, she did nothing. When she found out my brother was doing great in school, she stood beside him and couldn't wait till he graduated. She never expected it from me, it's like she doesn't care. Nobody really cares besides him. He's the love of my life, my second true love. Something that I cannot give up on. That I am willing to leave this family that I thought cared for me here, to move there.

My family acts like they care, when they really dont. I know the things that they say about me behind my back. They dont want me here, they think of me as another burden on their shoulders. I need to be out on my own, and I need him by my side. Not only because he gives me motivation and support. But he shows me that I can do the things I want to do by showing me that there's always going to be someone there wishing for the best for me, and caring for me. I want him to be proud of me, and the most important. To be proud of myself as well.

All I can say is, Joey.... When you read this. I hope you understand that you have my heart and I don't want it back. I want you to keep it, and I want you to understand that you're the best thing in the world that has ever happened to me. I am willing to do anything. Get a job, go back to school, etc. ANYTHING. We can suffer just a little bit until I find a job and then everything will be okay, I can assure you this.

I love you beyond words, baby.

You & Me Forever.

I had a true wake up call these past couple days. I'm madly in love with him, and nobody else. He's the answer to my prayers. He's all that I could ever truly ask for, and as I say this I have made a decision in pursuing what my heart wants. I want to be with him forever, and so when he decides, I will move to Texas to be with him. I hope he reads this so he can fully understand how I feel about him. He makes my heartache when I'm not beside him, I miss him dearly, I miss his company, his beauiful brown eyes and long eyelashes, his adorable smile, laugh and just him in general. I miss waking up and seeing him in the morning, cuddling with him, holding his hand and kissing him. I sit here with tears as I type this, I miss him like mad. I'm making a sacrifice and I know in my heart that this is right.

Another year old!

& happier than ever, spending ANOTHER birthday with the love of my life.

he's my world, my love, and everything inbetween. he's absolutely amazing, he's the reason for the smile on my face, the reason i breathe, the reason that i keep pushing for more. his forever & always.

11/11/11 baby. that's our day.